Breaking the Habit
by Nuwanda
Summary: When everything Freddy counts on disappears, he loses faith in everything around him. Can anyone prove to him that life is worth living? FreddyZack, eventually. This takes place eight years after School of Rock.
1. Default Chapter

**A/N**:  Okay, this is going to be another SoR fic, a few chapters long, we'll see how long it is when it gets there.  My Muse will let me know.  This is an idea that I've had since I saw the movie but I finally got it down, w/ much thanks to xpennyroyalx aka MEG!  *muchos kisses for Meg* It's a lot angstier than my other SoR fic, but it WILL have a happy ending, be assured of that, and it will be chock full o delicious slash.

**Summary:  **When everything Freddy counts on disappears, he loses faith in everything around him.  Can anyone prove to him that life is worth living?  Freddy/Zack, eventually.  This takes place eight years after School of Rock, so the kids are all eighteen, so don't go jumping all over me about having 10 year olds using drugs and swearing and all that bad stuff, mmmkaaaaay?

**Pairing**:  Freddy/Zack, eventually, w/ possible other pairings showing up for other characters, but no other (serious) pairings involving these two.  Don't worry, Freddy and Zack will end up together…they are MEANT for each other!  They shall not be torn apart!  *wields sword threateningly*

**Dedications**:  MEG!  I love you!  *kisses kisses kisses* Thanks for the info you gave me on heroin, I used some of your quote.

**Disclaimer**:  I do not own School of Rock.  Freddy and Zack do not belong to me (though I personally think they should belong to each other).  Dewey and FancyPants do not belong to me.  Melanie and Tim _do_ belong to me, seeing as I created them.  None of the other kids, parents, teachers etc belong to me.  Freddy's hallucinations _do_ belong to me because I had lots of fun making them up.  ;D  Angst, slash and fluff in general do not belong to me but in this fic they do.  The two songs used in this fic do not belong to me.  The "Fuck the Pain Away" lyrics belong to Peaches.  The "Breaking the Habit" lyrics belong to Linkin Park.  Meg does not belong to me, though I kinda wish she did.  ;D  That is all.  Nuwanda, over and out. 

Memories consume  
Like opening the wound  
I'm picking me apart again  
You all assume  
I'm safer in my room  
Unless I try to start again  
  
I don't want to be the one  
Who battles always choose  
Cuz inside I realize  
That I'm the one confused  
  
I don't know what's worth fighting for  
Or why I have to scream  
I don't know why I instigate  
And say what I don't mean  
I don't know how I got this way  
I know it's not alright  
So I'm breaking the habit  
I'm breaking the habit tonight  
  
Cultured my cure  
I tightly lock the door  
I try to catch my breath again  
I hurt much more  
Than anytime before  
I have no options left again  
  
I dont want to be the one  
Who battles always choose  
Cuz inside I realize  
That I'm the one confused  
  
I don't know what's worth fighting for  
Or why I have to scream  
I don't know why I instigate  
And say what I don't mean  
I don't know how I got this way  
I'll never be alright  
So, I'm breaking the habit  
I'm breaking the habit tonight  
  
I'll paint it on the walls  
Cuz I'm the one that falls  
I'll never fight again  
And this is how it ends  
  
I don't know what's worth fighting for  
Or why I have to scream  
But now I have some clarity  
to show you what I mean  
I don't know how I got this way  
I'll never be alright  
So, I'm breaking the habit  
I'm breaking the habit  
I'm breaking the habit tonight

**Freddy's POV. **
    
    Fuck the pain away. Fuck the pain away.
    
    Fuck the pain away. Fuck the pain away.
    
    Fuck the pain away. Fuck the pain away.
    
    Fuck the pain away. Fuck the pain away.
    
    Fuck the pain away. Fuck the pain away.
    
    Fuck the pain away. Fuck the pain away.
    
    Fuck the pain away. Fuck the pain away.
    
    Fuck the pain away. Fuck the pain away.

China White.  Hell Dust.  Dead on Arrival.  Whatever name you want to call it, it means the same thing:  Heroin.  It's a seriously messed up drug and it's my one true source of happiness these days.   Heroin can be smoked, snorted or injected.  My preferred form is injection.  You shoot it into a vein in your arm, works in up to 8 seconds, quick high, and then you get really tired, and people think you're asleep but you're not.  You can't sleep when you're like that.  It's impossible.  You don't believe me?  Have you ever had shadows run around a room without anything to cast them, or tigers waltz across your ceiling while drumsticks beat the time against your skull?  I have.  I have stared up at a ceiling that rippled and danced with swirling colors as pansies ran screaming into a night sky.  I have seen dragons burn down fields of orange clover and then somersault into endless black holes which turned into disco balls that cast out snowflakes instead of light, floating softly down onto my prone body where they burned me with a fire I've never felt.  I have lain on the floor drenched in my own sweat and seen sights such as these.  I have watched all of these things, and I have enjoyed it.  

Most people don't know how heroin works, and most of the time, that's because they won't go near the stuff.  They say it's because they have a life and a brain; I say it's because they're fucking idiots.  However, I'm always willing to explain, even if I do think you're a complete moron.  Soon after injection, heroin crosses the blood-brain barrier. In the brain, heroin is converted to morphine and binds rapidly to opioid receptors.  It's then that it hits you: a rush.  It enters the brain so rapidly…this is part of what makes it so addictive. With heroin, the rush is usually accompanied by a warm flushing of the skin, dry mouth, and a heavy feeling, which may be accompanied by nausea, vomiting, and severe itching.  Why anyone would want to take this stuff must be beyond your comprehension, huh?  Well that's because you've never done it.  You think nothing can be worth self-inflicted vomiting, huh?  Well you're an idiot.  Because if you haven't felt that rush then you have no fucking clue of how good it can feel.

I glance up to make sure the door is locked.  Good.  Not that anyone would come by…no one ever does.  I turn all my attention back to the slim needle positioned just over my arm, right near my vein, poised to strike.  I am stopped as I glance over the rest of my arm, riddled with scars and bruising from other times, other hits.

I don't know how I got to this point.  I guess you could say it started when the School of Rock broke up.  I mean, I knew it couldn't last long, but it still hurt.  Those guys were my family…I mean, they _are _my family.  It's just that now they're a family I rarely see…except Zack, that is, and occasionally Dewey.  Zack and I are the only two still playing together.  We started our own band and we're actually doing pretty well.  It's different, though.  It's not the same family experience.  We've got a new keyboard player, a girl named Melanie, and a bass guitarist named Tim, but its do different.  They're good kids, real cool and stuff, but I'll never feel as close to them as I do to the old band and the roadies and everyone.  Heck, I even prefer Summer to them.  I mean, I feel like they're never going to really fit in.  Zack gets along just fine with them…but then, Zack gets along splendidly with everyone.  He's just one of those guys.  I get along good enough with them, but they're new.  They haven't been here from the start and therefore they can't possibly appreciate where we're coming from.  I sometimes feel as though they're the type of sell-out wannabe punks that Dewey warned us against.  I don't know.  What do I know?  Nothing.  I mean, I'm killing my brain more and more each day with always increasing dosages of heroin.  I'm swiftly losing my already lax grip on reality, and I know it.

  I almost stop…but I can't bring myself to do so.  I forcefully inject the stuff before I can change my mind and I gasp as I feel it hit my bloodstream.  It takes effect almost immediately.  I slowly lean backwards, allowing myself to fall to the floor and lie there on my back, legs stretched out in front of me and arms flopping to the floor.  My eyes slide gently shut and I take a deep breath, giving over everything to the drug, to the sensation of nothingness, of really not being.  I can lie here and not be myself, not worry about my parents or school or friends or this fucking life in general.  It is only here that I can truly lose myself in the depths of non-being. It is here alone that I can truly be happy. 

~tbc~


	2. Yet Another Pause

   A/N:  Wahoo, on to the second chappie already!  YAAAAY!  *does the Happy Dance*  I hope y'all like it, because I'm kinda nervous about it.  It didn't flow as easily as the first chappie did.  I'm so much better at writing first person pov.  There'll be some more of those in this ficlet.  Every so often I'll toss in a first person POV just to give y'all a little insight to their feelings…the next one'll be a Zack one as he becomes more and more concerned about Freddy.  That'll be here eventually.  I'm going home this weekend so I don't know when I'll get a chance to write/post, b/c my comp is at school and the only comp at home is my dad's…well, my old comp is there, but I'm giving it to my lovely Lucawanoxian pretty soon, possibly this weekend, so I won't be writing on that, and I DEFINITELY won't be writing on my dad's, b/c I would have to save it to disk and I'm running short on disks lately.  So I apologize in advance for the delay.  *bows low*  GOMEN NASEI!  *kow tows over and over and over again*  But I hope you all like it, because I worked really really hard on it!  ^_____^()

Pairing:  Once again, Freddy/Zack eventually, and I may hint at a bit of a Dewey romance and possibly find someone to set up FancyPants w/, and maybe Tim and Melanie will have something going on…why am I telling you this?  You only care about Freddy and Zack, right?  That's why you're here: to get your Fredd/Zack fix.  You don't give a shit about Tim and Melanie.  Well, I DO!  So poo on you!  If I want them to have relationships central to the fic, then they WILL have relationships, and they WILL be central to the fic!  *sticks tongue out*  Okay, now that I'm DONE acting like a two year old, I'll act closer to my age and admit that they probably WILL have relationships, but those relationships will probably NOT be central to the ficlet.  Okay.  Moving on.

Dislclaimer:  None of the following belong to me:  Freddy, Zack, Dewey, FancyPants, "God Save the Queen" by the Sex Pistols, or the Sex Pistols themselves.  

Claimer:  The following DOES belong to me:  Freddy's heroin addiction, Freddy's heroin itself, the band van, Melanie (including her hot pink shirt and keyboard), Tim (including his bass guitar and cool long shaggy black hair), Freddy's family's house and broken fence, the trash can outside Freddy's window, and the band van's road map.

Dedication:  NONE!  Because Meg left me out of mention in her Newsies fic, so I stole back all but a few of the huggles and now I leave her out of my dedication.  *laughs manically*  MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  

~*~

Zack looked up from the music he was studying.  A pair of eyes was glaring at him impatiently.  "Whaaat?" he asked slowly, not sure what he had missed.  

"He's not answering," Melanie said, arms folded across her hot pink shirt in annoyance.  Zack turned to Tim, who shrugged, running a hand through his already messy shoulder length black hair.

"I don't know," Tim said, "we knocked a few times and still nothing."  

Zack sighed and slid out of his car, laying the sheet music aside.  He headed towards Freddy's house, noting that it could use a few touch ups.  The house was beautiful, an old Victorian house with pale green paint and a (usually) bright clean white fence.  Speaking of the fence…Zack noticed suddenly that the fence had been- there was no other word for it- killed.  It looked as though someone had hit it with a monster truck and then purposefully continued driving back and forth over the wreckage.  He didn't spend too long thinking on it, though.  Stepping up the door, he rapped on it loudly.  "Freddy?  Open the door, Freddy.  We have to GO!  We have a show tonight!"  No answer.  "FREDDY!"  He pounded on the door, his patience wearing thin.  "OPEN UP!"  Still no answer.  Sighing, Zack stormed off the porch and around to the side of the house.  The window was open, as he knew it would be.  He looked for the trash can that had always rested under the window.  It was there for an actual purpose, but it was used much more for Zack to get into Freddy's room than it was used for trash.  Today, however, it was nowhere to be found.  "Hey, Tim, c'mere!"

The boy came obediently around the side of the house.  "What is it?"

"Give me a boost, will ya?"

"Huh?!"

"Look, I need a boost!  There used to be a trash can around here but it's not here now, I'm too short, and we need our drummer.  So give me a boost."

Tim obediently bent over and cupped his hands.  Zack stepped into Tim's cupped hands and, grabbing a hold of Freddy's window frame, propelled himself up and headfirst through the window.  Unfortunately, he pushed rather harder than he had meant to and went flying headfirst onto the floor, landing smack on top of something warm and human-like…something that uttered a small "oof" as he landed on it and then gave no more reaction.  Cracking his head on the floor, Zack groaned and for a moment thought of nothing but his aching head.  Then he sat up with some difficulty and looked at the prone form of his best friend, which was apparently what he had landed on.  He wondered immediately why Freddy hadn't really reacted to being squished.  The boy was lying flat on his back, blonde hair a mess and his mouth slightly open, his cheeks flushed.  Zack shook his head, smiling despite his annoyance.  _Wow…so Spazzy McGee _**is** _quiet on occasion.  _As Zack watched, Freddy closed his mouth, rubbing his lips together slightly and swallowing.  He repeated this action several times.  Zack's smile faded and he cocked his head to one side, trying to figure out the reason behind this action before he finally shook himself out of it as he heard Tim cough outside.  "Yo…Freddy."  He shook his friends shoulder gently.  Freddy didn't stir.  "Freddy."  He leaned close to Freddy's face, shaking the blonde boy a bit harder now.  "Frehhhhddy.  We have a show tonight.  You have to wake up now."  Still nothing.  He leaned in even more so that he was about an inch from Freddy's face.  "FREDDY!"

That did it.  Freddy woke suddenly, shooting up to a sitting position and cracking his head dead on into Zack's in the process.  Zack winced, Freddy recoiled immediately, head falling back to the floor and eyes shut tight in pain.

"FUCK, Freddy!"  Zack put one hand to his forehead to cover the throbbing ache that was already making itself known.  Freddy's only response was a low moan.  "What the hell, man?  What is _with _you?  We have a fucking show tonight, remember?  What are you doing sleeping at this time of day?"

Freddy opened his dark eyes slowly, staring up at Zack in confusion.  "Um….I..."  His eyes focused suddenly.  "Zack?"

"Um, _yeah_," Zack said, exasperated.  "Who'd you expect?  The Easter bunny?"  There was a pause as Freddy stared at Zack, eyes half lidded with bewilderment.

"What're you doing here, man?  And…why're you sitting on me?"

"Because your fucking door is locked!  I had to climb in through the window, but the trash can wasn't there, so Tim had to give me a boost but I pushed off a little too hard and came flying through the window and THAT'S why I'm sitting on you."

Another long pause.  "Wait, what the hell is _TIM_ doing here?

Zack groaned again, his fingers itching to strangle Freddy, but half of his mind was occupied with wondering just why Freddy was so confused.  "We've got a show tonight, remember?"

Yet another pause.  "Oh yeah."  Freddy struggled to sit up and fell back when he found himself unable to do so.  "…you wanna get off me, Mooneyham?"

Blushing, Zack slid quickly off of Freddy.  "Thanks," the blonde boy said, and tried to sit up again.  He was still unable to do so, even without Zack's added weight.  Zack barely had time to ponder this before Freddy flopped back, propping himself up on his elbows.  "You wanna give me a hand here, Kurt Cobain?"

Zack smiled.  "Sure thing, Dave Grohl."  He reached out and clasped Freddy's hand with his own and tugged the boy to his feet…apparently harder than he meant to.  Freddy flew to his feet and crashed into Zack, practically knocking the two of them over.  Zack instinctively tightened his arms about his friend, struggling to regain his balance and support Freddy at the same time.  "GEEZ, Freddy!  What the hell is WITH you today, anyway?!"

Freddy straightened up and slid his hands down his back to where Zack's hands were, holding tight from their near fall.  He slid his hands over Zack's and peeled Zack's fingers away, removing the hands from his back.  "Gotta go, Zack, you slacker, we've got a show to do," he said teasingly.

"Oh, yeah, trying to make ME look like the slacker here, huh?" Zack demanded, grinning.  

"Trying, NOTHING," Freddy said, straight-faced.  Zack laughed.

"Yeah, right.  Dream on, Freddy, you'll never convince anyone, you loser."

"Yeah, whatever."  Freddy's eyes suddenly focused on something on the floor behind Zack.  He quickly bent over and scooped whatever it was into his hand before Zack could get a good look.

"What's that?"

"Nothing."  Freddy tossed the thing into a desk drawer and slammed it shut.  "C'mon," he said, scooping his drumsticks up off the desk, "let's go, Mooneyham, we're gonna be LATE!"  He jabbed Zack in the gut with the drumsticks and then ran for the door, stumbling a bit and laughing as he went, Zack following closely behind.

Freddy slammed and locked the door behind them and whacked Zack with the drumsticks one more time.  Melanie stood staring and tapping one foot, arms still crossed.

"You're late," she said shortly.  Freddy arched an eyebrow at her.  

"Yes, thank you, Mistress of the Obvious," he said sarcastically, looking at Zack as if to say 'what is UP with this girl?!'  Then he turned and smiled at Tim.  Though it wasn't a best friend's smile, it was friendly enough.  "Hey, Tim, what's up?"  He grinned at Tim but before the boy could answer, Freddy slid into the front seat of the band's van.  "Shotgun!"  Shrugging, Tim climbed in the backseat, followed by the still irritated Melanie.  Freddy grinned at Zack and then shut the car door on his side.  Once he was inside for the trip, he began fidgeting, unable to sit still, as always.  He messed with his hair, put the drumsticks in the glove compartment.  He pulled both feet up onto the seat, opened the glove compartment, checked on the drumsticks and closed it again.  He stared off into space; he retied his right shoe.  Opened the glove compartment, checked on the drumsticks, pulled out a road map and studied it as though it were of the utmost importance.  Zack stared after him for only a moment before following, struggling yet again to shake off the feeling that something was up.  Sliding into the driver's seat, he shut his door and put his seatbelt on.

"Let's go!" Freddy shouted, bouncing on the seat in excitement to be on their way.  Zack gave him a look.

"Put your seatbelt on," he ordered.  Sighing, Freddy complied, then pulled his left foot back up on the seat and retied that shoe.  Zack couldn't help but smile.  "Just can't help yourself, can you."  It was more of a statement than a question.

"Well, once you tie _ONE_ you _have_ to tie the _OTHER_," he said, as though this should be dead obvious.  Zack shook his head, trying to force down a grin.

"Yeah, whatever Freddy, you crazy dork." He started the car, eliciting a whoop of joy from Freddy and a sigh from Melanie, and pulled out of the driveway.  Freddy immediately turned on the radio and began dancing in his seat as he sang aloud to "God Save the Queen" by the Sex Pistols.  Zack shook his head again.  _Maybe I'm reading things wrong…maybe he's fine.  Maybe there's really nothing to worry about.  _He seriously hoped that was true…

~tbc~


	3. to just STOP trying

**A/N: **Well, here we go again, huh? FINALLY! But hey, it took me a while to get inspired. So yeah, here it is. This is what you get when I don't have internet at my disposal 24/7…it takes weeks for me to update. I need Meg and PhoenixFireBlack to inspire me! weeps bitterly Lol. So it's here, and it's a bit darker and a bit more sexual, but hey, that's okay, right? Right?!

** PAIRING: **Once again, Freddy/Zack (a bit more hinting at that in this chappie), though there's a bit of Freddy/random unnamed slut girl, and a bit of Melanie/Tim progress.

** DISCLAIMER: **I do not own School of Rock or any of the characters, most specifically Freddy and Zack…seriously, there would have been LOTS more homosexual vibes in that movie if I had been in charge of it.

** CLAIMER: **I own the random unnamed slut girl, the crazy man's whipped cream and kilt, the scary trans, and any other random shit I invented in this chapter. Oh yeah, Freddy's street cone and stuffed animals.

**DEDICATION/SHOUTOUTS: **This is for Marcy, for getting me sick. No, I do not thank you for getting me sick b/c it's been hell, but because I was sick I watched SoR again, and that inspired me to write more of this ficlet, so thank you. And to **Natasha** and anyone else who was wondering, no, I do NOT do heroin or any other drugs. I never have and I never will. shrug I guess I should feel flattered that you think I'm an addict…kinda suggests that my writing sounds realistic. So…thanks…I guess. ;D Also, to **Bloody Rose1**, thanks for the lyric corrections, I'll fix them soon, I swear. I only have a burned copy of that cd that my sister gave me, so I don't have the lyrics written down and I just got those lyrics off of the Internet. Thanks for correcting me!

Freddy collapsed onto a frayed and dirty couch, ignoring the wet spots that he severely hoped were nothing more than spilled beer…if he were sober enough to care, he would have moved. But he was, after all, Freddy Jones, and it was a Friday night, at a party with lots of underage drinking, and it was ten minutes into their fifteen minute break…none of those circumstances added up to anything good as far as Freddy Jones' drinking habits were concerned. With only fifteen minutes of freedom and the terrible day he had been having so far, Freddy had wasted no time in getting raging drunk. Ten minutes and four and a half beers later, he was pleasantly buzzed and not much was bothering him anymore.

"Hey, you."

Freddy got the impression that someone was trying to get his attention. He slowly turned his head to the right, then to the left. No one. He stared at his feet, then lifted them one at a time, looking underneath his shoes. Still no one.

"Over here, drummer boy." The voice sounded highly amused. Freddy turned to his right and saw a girl smiling at him. She was leaning against the couch arm, half sitting on it, smiling a smirking little smile. She was pretty generic, for these types of parties: a little too skinny, with hair just past her shoulders that needed a cut. It was blonde, naturally, with dark brown roots showing at the top. Her eyes were big and blue, with heavy black liner underneath them and lots of mascara and tastefully applied pale purple eye shadow. Her shirt was tight and low cut, with some cutesy little slogan on it, and her jeans hung low across her hips. She was pretty, if you liked that type. Freddy usually went for something more original- _dark brown hair, big brown eyes, plays guitar, _he thought- but after four and a half beers, he wasn't so picky.

"Yeah?" he said, finally responding to the girl. She smiled even wider, sliding off the arm of the couch into his lap. She ran her slim fingers through his blonde hair.

"You're soooo talented," she purred, stroking her long crimson nails down the nape of his neck.

"Thanks," he said, leaning his head back into her hand as she traced her fingers through his hair, looking for more of the teasing sensation. She smiled at that.

"So," she whispered, leaning in close so that her lips brushed softly against his ear. "You wanna go upstairs with me? Ditch this party?"

He shrugged. "Eh…..I dunno…" he strained to see around her, looking for the familiar skinny body, that dark brown hair and those solemn eyes. He was still looking for Zack when the sound of plastic caught his attention.

"C'mon," she whispered. "It'll be fun. I promise." And she traced the small package of heroin teasingly across his throat and up, holding it up just in front of his face.

Freddy stared at it, then smiled at the girl. "I'm all yours."

The girl took him by the hand and tugged him along with her, as though he were a fish on a line, as though he had lost the power to steer his own course. They went into one of the bedrooms at the top of the stairs and Freddy collapsed onto the large double bed, the girl crawling across his lap, laughing as she slid her cold fingertips underneath his shirt. There seemed to be other people in the room, only Freddy couldn't count them or even catch them standing in one place. The girl handed him a mirror with some heroin on it, gave him the thin straw and he took it and held it to his nose without even thinking. When he felt the drugs hit him, he sank back against the pillows, eyes sliding shut and a contented smile tugging up the corners of his mouth as he found blissful peace at last. He was dimly aware of the blonde girl fiddling with the buttons on his pants, but it wasn't anything he felt he should worry about. He didn't have to worry about anything.

The girl went to work, either not knowing or not caring that Freddy wasn't really paying attention to what she was doing. Freddy relaxed and gave into the purest sensations of just being: the cool breeze floating through the room, the girl's sexual advances, the drugs shooting through his body…he knew he had been looking for someone a few minutes ago…someone in particular…someone special…he couldn't remember…and he stopped trying…and at that moment, he wanted nothing else…nothing more than to just stop trying…to just give in and give up and just let life do with him whatever it wanted…_it sounds nice, doesn't it? …to just _**stop **_trying…_

Fuck the pain away. Fuck the pain away.Fuck the pain away. Fuck the pain away.Fuck the pain away. Fuck the pain away.Fuck the pain away. Fuck the pain away.Fuck the pain away. Fuck the pain away.Fuck the pain away. Fuck the pain away.Fuck the pain away. Fuck the pain away.Fuck the pain away. Fuck the pain away. 

Zack stumbled through the smoke-filled room, fighting his way through the crowds of dancing teenagers in a semi-drunken stupor, trying hard as he could not to spill his beer. Tripping over the frayed edge of the carpet, he crashed into a tall boy in front of him and half the beer sloshed out of his already half empty plastic cup. Unfortunately, the beer sloshed all over the boy in front of him. Zack winced; even in his somewhat drunken state, he knew that spilling beer on a boy much bigger than himself was not a good idea. Luckily for him, the boy was so high that he didn't even notice.

Sighing with relief, Zack went on his way, shoving hard to get through the crowd. The band had been playing all night and their fifteen minute break would be over soon. Melanie and Tim were both accounted for, but Freddy was nowhere to be found. He sighed. _What a surprise._ Zack paused to refill his cup and take a drink before moving on. Zack and Tim were the two reliable members of the band; both of them were responsible drinkers, always making sure that one of them was sober enough to drive home. Melanie was pretty good: she usually didn't touch the stuff, because she knew that if she drank two beers she'd be out for the rest of the night (she had practically no alcohol tolerance, and Freddy loved to bait her along). Freddy, however, was the problem. Not only did Freddy love to drink, he could really put them away. If Zack didn't watch the hyperactive blonde very carefully, he was likely to find Freddy five hours later and fourteen beers drunker.

Zack climbed slowly up the stairs, passing Tim and Melanie. It looked as though Melanie were trying for a second beer; she was already laughing like a maniac and sitting in Tim's lap, playing with his long black hair. Tim was bright red, though whether from the beer or from Melanie's added attention, Zack couldn't say. He gave Tim a huge grin and a thumbs up, and the bass guitarist turned as red as a stop sign. _Yup, it's definitely about Melanie. _At the top of the stairs, Zack paused momentarily. Judging that he hadn't found Freddy yet, it meant that, unless Freddy had left the house (God forbid), that he was in one of the bedrooms. Zack didn't like either thought. If Freddy had left the house, it meant he was probably three miles away, stark naked with a street cone on his head (which was how Zack had found him three months ago when the blonde had somehow managed to escape the house…Freddy led Zack on a merry chase, one that ended with Zack half dragging, half carrying one very naked Freddy Jones back to his {Zack's} house, forcing the hyperactive and extremely drunk blonde into a t-shirt and some shorts, and practically tying him to the bed until he passed out and slept for almost twenty-four straight hours, then woke up and brightly asked for a coconut). Zack shook his head, smiling at the memory. Freddy was weird enough sober; hung-over he was positively hysterical.

On the other hand, if Freddy was in one of the bedrooms, he was probably doing illicit things with some random person…not something Zack wanted to walk in on, for more than one reason. The thought caused him to blush a little. He had seen Freddy go through too many girlfriends and it wasn't something he liked watching. And, on the other hand, if Freddy wasn't doing illicit things with some drunken floozy, he was probably doing something completely random. The last time Zack had found Freddy in a bedroom (minus the floozies), Freddy had built a rather extensive fort out of blankets and stuffed animals, a fort he had insisted on dragging Zack into. He was hosting a tea party, he had tried to explain, gesturing crazily to the circle of stuffed teddy bears and elephants around him. Zack snickered; he had almost forgotten all about Freddy's drunken tea party. But he was wasting time. Sighing, he picked a room and, pushing open the door, peeked cautiously into the dark room. "Freddy?"

In the short moment it took for Zack's eyes to adjust to the darkness of the room, a few things happened: Two scantily clad girls went running out of the room, discarding clothing as they went. A boy wearing a kilt ran after the girls, laughing and squirting a can of whipped cream everywhere ('everywhere' included all over Zack, who blinked with initial surprise and then just stood there and took it)…and Zack became aware of many different voices making various sexual noises within the room. And then, something terrible happened: Zack's eyes adjusted. Eyes widening in horror, he slammed the door shut tightly, leaning his back up against it as though to hold it shut, feeling as though he would be ill. After a few moments, when he had relearned how to breathe, he moved on, shaking his head as a shudder ran through him. _Ugh. Disgust. _

Zack pulled open the second door. "Freddy?" This time, he didn't have to wait for his eyes to adjust, because the light was already on, so he came immediately face to face with one very scary, very obvious drag queen. The man (for he had to be in his late thirties) was extremely obese, but he had forced himself into a tight, form-fitting red strapless dress. He wasn't wearing a wig, and his short black hair was thinning in the back. His eye makeup was positively ridiculous.

The man gave Zack the old once-over and then, running his tongue across his teeth, he smiled seductively. "If you want me to be, baby."

Zack swallowed very hard, forced the largest smile he could, nodded once, and backed quickly out the door, slamming it shut behind him. "My GOD," he whispered.

Turning, he stepped up to the one remaining door. If Freddy wasn't here, it meant he had escaped the house and they would have to cut the show short to go find him. That meant they would lose half the money they were owed, and Melanie would kill Freddy…when she was sober enough. Zack pushed open the door. "Freddy?"

Inside the darkened room, Freddy was dimly aware that someone had just called his name. He didn't let the matter concern him for too long, however, and once again busied himself with the task at hand…which happened to be divesting the blonde girl of her skin-tight shirt.

Zack stepped into the room and immediately jumped a foot backwards, crashing into the wall, and brought up a hand to cover his eyes. "GEEZ, Freddy!"

Freddy immediately jumped nearly as high, sitting straight up, hands no longer anywhere near the girl. "ZACK?!"

"What the FUCK, Freddy?!" Zack stormed forwards and tugged Freddy roughly to his feet. The blonde boy had lost his shirt somewhere along the line, and his pants were down around his ankles. "Why d'you always have to go off and get sex in the middle of a gig, Freddy? Seriously!" Zack paused; he was finding it incredibly difficult to focus on Freddy when that girl was lying there, breasts bared for all the world to see. Squinting his eyes shut tightly, he reached tentatively out and tugged her shirt down over her bare breasts. Content, he opened his eyes and focused on Freddy again. Matters hadn't improved; Freddy was staring at him, so foolishly confused that Zack couldn't truly yell. Zack sighed. "Can't even let me stay mad at you, can you?" he muttered, grabbing Freddy's shirt off the bed. "Put your arms up."

"Huh?"

Growling, Zack grabbed Freddy's wrists and tugged, pulling Freddy's arms straight up over his head and, before Freddy could move, pulling the tight shirt down over Freddy's head. "Now…arrggh…fix your damn _pants_!" Zack crouched down in front of Freddy, trying to convince himself that he wasn't really down on his knees in front of Freddy while the blonde stood there in just his boxers and sporting one very obvious hard-on. The convincing didn't work too well. He yanked Freddy's pants up and fastened them as fast as he could, fully aware that he must be as red as a bottle of ketchup. "There…at least you _look _presentable," Zack griped.

Freddy laughed, a high laugh that didn't sound very much like Freddy. Zack stared, puzzled, as Freddy brushed a hand across his nose…and then again…and again. Zack cocked his head to one side. "…Freddy?"

Freddy giggled. "Yeah?" He rubbed his nose again, brushing his hand across just the underside of his nose, as though something was there…but there was nothing there…at least, not anything that Zack could see.

"…you okay, Freddy?"

"Of course I am." But he was rubbing his fingertips together now, not touching his nose, and Zack was even more confused than when he had begun. He shook his head, but, as he turned to go, something on the bed caught his eye. Leaning over, he reached out and picked the object up. In his hand was a small, square mirror. Zack stared at it, puzzled. _What in the worl…_ Freddy brushed his fingers against his nose again, and Zack froze, a terrible realization hitting him, and he turned horrified eyes to Freddy. The blonde's head was tilted just slightly to one side; he stared back at Zack.

"Freddy," Zack whispered, unable to speak normally. "Freddy, are you-"

Before he could finish the sentence, Melanie barged into the room, swaying more than she should have been and followed closely by a very anxious looking Tim. "Come _ON_," she ordered, "we're going to be late for the second half, let's _GO_!" And, grabbing Freddy's wrist, she tugged him with her out of the room, hollering over her shoulder for Zack to hurry up.

Zack stood frozen where he was. _Freddy…is…is he…is he… _He looked down at the mirror. _…heroin?_

"ZaaaaAACK!" Melanie screeched.

Zack shook himself out of his reverie with some difficulty. _Just put it out of your mind until later…there's nothing you can do right now, anyway. Just forget it. Just go downstairs and finish the show. One foot in front of the other…that's it! See? It's easy…so easy…_

_…so _**easy**_._

tbc


	4. unspoken words

**A/N:** Ookay, so here's the next chappie. Jimminy scotts, I'm getting these chapters out pretty dang fast, wouldn't you say? shrug I guess it's all due to me watching it again…and being parted from my beloved darling Meg, which has been both a blessing and a curse. Without her, I'm just a sad, lonely little girl, half of the Ellen and Anne comedic lesbian thing, and I also lack for inspiration (since she gives me ideas and keeps me moving). With her, I'm often too busy fawning over how very much I adore her to get any work done. So she inspires me and yet distracts me. hugs and kisses for The Meg But don't worry, dahling- you distract me in a good way!

Anyway, this is much much MUCH more sexual than the last chappie…DEAL with it.

**DISCLAIMER:** Do we REALLY have to go through this again? I own nothing…well, that's not true, I own lots of things. Just not School of Rock, any of it's creators, characters, actors, or really anything else which is officially affiliated with it. Kapiche?

**CLAIMER:** I still own Tim and Melanie, who I am having great fun with (sorry, I just find them so damn cute together), and now Melanie's mom, the coolest band mom ever, and the band van's broken clock. And anything else I created in this chappie but which I am just too lazy to list out.

**DEDICATIONS:** Meg! Because you complimented me before and gave me the courage to embrace the writing of sex scenes, something I could never bring myself to really do before! It's YOUR fault that my writing is becoming more perverse! ALL YOUR FAULT! But I love you. MWAH!

Umm, yeah, and to **Fangz of Fire**...a slight note for you. First of all, Freddy and Zack aren't SUPPOSED to seem like a couple, because they're NOT one...not yet. They're just two friends who aren't as close as they used to be due to Freddy's drugs and the fact that each has feelings for the other and neither is willing to share those feelings. Also, I never title my first chapter. shrug Sorry if it bugs you, I just don't do it.

Now, on to the fic!

Zack steered the band van into Melanie's driveway, pulling to a slow halt just next to the porch. It had to be somewhere past one in the morning…the clock in the van had stopped five months ago and they had never bothered to fix it.

"Here we are," he said, getting out of the van and opening the side door for Tim, who had his hands full with drunken Melanie. Freddy giggled again.

"All ashore that's goin' ashore!" Freddy trilled, and burst into a fresh fit of laughter. Zack shook his head. Tim put an arm around Melanie's waist and helped her down out of the van. She laughed, strands of her long blonde hair falling out of its high ponytail, hanging in her face, and she clung to Tim.

"You going to walk me to my room, Timothy?" she asked, voice sultry. Then she tripped, and the effect was ruined as her fingers instinctively tightened to Tim's waist and shirt. "Oops," she giggled.

Tim tightened his hold on her, turning his gaze to Zack. "S'it okay if we leave our instruments in the van tonight?" he asked. "I kinda got my hands full, here."

Zack nodded. "Sure, no problem."

Tim smiled a grateful smile. "Thanks, man. Good luck with supremo drunk, there," he teased, indicating Freddy with a jerk of his chin. Freddy burst into another fit of laughter; he seemed to think that being called a "supremo drunk" was absolutely hilarious. Zack sighed.

"Thanks," he mumbled. Melanie tripped again and Tim scooped her up into his arms, carrying her up the steps of her front porch like a small child as she giggled crazily. Melanie's mother greeted them at the door.

"Hello, Tim…staying the night?"

"Well, I, um, I mean…"

Zack smiled as Tim blushed crimson at the thought of staying over at Melanie's house, shaking his head as Tim was ushered inside by Melanie's mom. That woman was pretty cool. She had been in a band herself when she was young…the lead singer and guitar player…so she didn't get mad when Melanie came home late and slightly buzzed. She had been there, after all, and had probably done most of the things they were doing now. Zack looked over at Freddy, who was still giggling, and shook his head. _Well…maybe not everything._

Zack climbed back in the front seat and fastened his seatbelt. Freddy's laughter died. Zack turned to see why and was immediately pounced on by Freddy, who crawled into Zack's lap and began playing with his chin-length brown hair. "FREDDY!"

"Mmm…you're sooooooo thoughtful, Zack…Zackary…" Freddy giggled, tracing his fingers through Zack's hair and down the smooth skin of his throat. Zack paused, trying hard as he could not to notice how good Freddy's touch felt. He took a deep breath and was disappointed when it shook. He shoved Freddy's hands away.

"Get back in your seat and put your seatbelt on, Freddy."

"Ooooh, so _forceful_," Freddy teased, giggling again. He leaned closer into Zack, lips tracing across Zack's ear. Zack shuddered, his breath catching in his throat. He shoved Freddy back into the passenger seat, fastening the belt for him. "Oooooh, you're no fun, Zackary David Mooneyham," Freddy pouted, his lower lip jutting just slightly in that playful pout that Zack had always found so adorably sexy. He started the car, trying with all his might to ignore the sexy (and apparently oh-so-horny) blonde sitting less than a foot away. He found it extremely hard…especially as Freddy's slim, graceful fingers found their way back into his hair…teasing along his scalp.

The ride back to Freddy's house was too long for Zack's taste, and yet far too short. He parked the car and, climbing out, went round to Freddy's side and tugged the blonde out after him.

"Where're we going?" Freddy asked as Zack grabbed his hand and pulled the blonde with him.

"We," Zack said, stopping underneath Freddy's window, "are going to climb on this trash can…"

"What trash can?"

Zack stopped dead. "Oh, fuck!" He had completely forgotten that the trash can had been moved. "Fine," he fumed. "Fine! You, are going to climb off of me into that window and into your room."

"….huh?"

"Ohh, neverMIND! Just…get on your knees." Zack winced at how very sexual that had sounded, hoping Freddy wouldn't notice. Unfortunately, that didn't happen.

"OOOH, Zackary! I thought you'd never ask!"

"Just DO IT, Freddy!"

Freddy (surprisingly enough) complied without further comment. Zack stepped up onto Freddy's back and crawled in through the window. Turning about, he leaned out. "Give me your hands," he ordered.

Freddy smirked up at him, very seductively. "With pleasure." Freddy grabbed Zack's hands and the guitarist unceremoniously dragged Freddy into the room, with some difficulty (Zack was very gangly where Freddy had built up a bit of muscle over the years). Zack fell backwards, Freddy stumbling forwards and tripping, knocking over a lamp before falling into Zack, his arms wrapping about Zack's waist as he clung to the brunette, giggling madly at the racket he was making.

"Shhhh!" Zack ordered. He shoved Freddy away from him, backwards, so that Freddy landed on his back on the end of the bed, long legs dangling off, toes just barely reaching the floor.

"Oooh, Zack! So _forceful_!" Freddy leaned back on his elbows, grinning up at Zack.

"Shut up, Freddy."

"Oooh, don't be mad, Zack." Freddy sat up, hooking his fingers in Zack's belt loops and tugging the brunette forwards. "Please don't be angry with little old me." He traced one finger across Zack's stomach, then, leaned forwards and hugged Zack, his cheek pushed hard against Zack's stomach.

Zack stared down at Freddy and sighed. He really found it quite impossible to stay mad at Freddy, even when he was worried that Freddy was doing drugs. He just…he cared far more for the hyper blonde drummer than he ever wished to admit. _Especially when he doesn't feel the same,_ he thought ruefully.

Suddenly, he noticed something different…something _very_ different. Freddy suddenly slid his fingers up underneath Zack's t-shirt, tugging the thin fabric up, and before Zack had time to think about the change, Freddy's lips were pressed to his stomach and were tracing a teasing trail of wet kisses across the smooth skin.

Zack's breath caught in his throat. "Freddy," he whispered.

"Mmm?" Freddy's lips brushed against Zack's stomach as he spoke. "What is it, Zack?" His words were soft and his warm breath teased across Zack's skin, sending shivers down Zack's spine. Zack took a deep, shuddering breath.

"Freddy," he whispered, but his voice caught in his throat as Freddy made more effective use of his tongue, dragging it across Zack's stomach before biting down on the soft skin. "Freddy!"

"Mmm…you like that, Zack?"

"I…" Zack's mind was whirling with confusion. This was everything he had wanted, everything he had wished for for as long as he could remember…_but not here! _He thought wildly to himself. _ Not like this! Not when he's…_

Freddy rose to his feet, less than an inch from Zack, his fingers still hooked in Zack's shirt. "Off," he whispered.

And Zack lifted his arms to allow Freddy to tug the t-shirt up and off, all sense of protestation lost in the complete desire to just get close to Freddy, to just give in to the feelings he had been suppressing for so damn long. The shirt was dropped to the floor, forgotten, and Freddy ran his hands over Zack's bare skin with a look of wonder on his face. "You're so beautiful," he whispered.

"Freddy," Zack whispered, his fingers around Freddy's waist, sliding up under the blonde's shirt, teasing across his back. Freddy leaned forwards and kissed Zack, pressing their lips together with such force that Zack gasped. It was like trying to pound together two pieces of a puzzle that don't quite fit, pounding them in with enough force that suddenly it all makes sense. It was almost like the completion of all Zack's dreams…_almost_.

Freddy's arms tightened about Zack and he stepped backwards. The back of his knees hit the bed and his legs fell out from under him and he collapsed onto the bed, dragging Zack down with him. The kiss broke and Freddy laughed into Zack's mouth as they lay in a tangled heap on the bed. Zack couldn't help but smile down at him.

"Off," Zack said, tugging at Freddy's own shirt.

"Ooh, quite the forceful one again, are we?" Freddy teased. Zack smiled, but tugged at Freddy's shirt.

"Take it all off," he said, his words breathy. "Everything. I want to see you."

Freddy tugged his shirt off over his head and flopped onto his back, smiling up at Zack. "Help me?" he asked, coy smile on his face. Zack smiled nervously, finding it very hard to breathe. His fingers fumbled with the buttons on Freddy's pants, but somehow he managed to get them off. Freddy, lying there now in nothing but his crimson boxers, propped himself up on his elbows. "Get your ass over here," he ordered, and Zack complied, crawling up the bed closer to Freddy, close enough for Freddy to take care of Zack's jeans, making short work of them and tossing them aside.

Freddy surveyed Zack's much undressed state now, smiling at the midnight blue boxers before locking eyes with the brunette. "Much better," he said. Zack smiled, a very nervous smile. Freddy's face softened. "C'mere." And Zack, shocked that he could still move, crawled over to Freddy and into the blonde's lap, leaning down to kiss Freddy again. Freddy's hands traced down Zack's back and over his ass, groping a little harder than he probably should have. Zack bit down on Freddy's lip as much out of surprise as out of payback, and Freddy gasped, pulling back. Staring up at Zack, he slowly licked the blood off his lip.

"You're not supposed to do that," Zack admonished. Leaning forward, he sucked languidly on Freddy's lower lip, licking away all the blood. Letting go, he stared down into Freddy's surprised eyes. "That's my job."

"Oh, really?" Freddy asked, a brazen tone to his voice that hadn't been there before. "Just like it's my job to fuck you senseless?"

Zack grinned. "Well….I'll admit, the thought had crossed my mind."

"There was never a doubt in mine," Freddy said, and, without warning, he shoved Zack over, rolling so that Zack was thrown onto his back, and Freddy moved easily on top of him, straddling Zack's lap and grinning down at the surprised brunette. "Mm mm mm," Freddy hummed thoughtfully, shaking his head at Zack. "What would your father think if he could see the two of us now? I doubt very much that he'd like seeing us together, like this…"

"Fuck my father," Zack hissed, grinding his hips upwards against Freddy's and eliciting a sharp gasp from the blonde. "And fuck whatever he'd think of it! I don't care!"

"Fuck your father?" Freddy echoed, his nose wrinkling in distaste. "Oh no, forty year old men don't do a thing for me, especially not your father, no offense." He ran his fingers through Zack's disheveled hair, traced them down Zack's face. "I'd rather have you."

Zack leaned forwards and pressed his mouth harshly against Freddy's, kissing the blonde with everything he had. "You've got me," he whispered. _You've always had me, _he thought, but didn't utter the words aloud.

Freddy slid off of Zack, lying on his side next to the brunette, hands tracing over Zack's body. Within moments, both boys were in nothing but their skin, lying in a tangled mass of arms and legs as they kissed, fingers tangling together, Freddy's free hand locking itself firmly in Zack's long brown hair as he tugged Zack closer, hungrily searching for more of Zack to touch, to caress. Zack did his best to comply, digging his fingers into Freddy's waist as he ground his hips into Freddy's.

Neither boy was thinking very coherently any more. Though the beer was starting to wear off (and even the drugs held little sway any more), the passion each had held in sway for so long (each convinced that the other didn't feel the same) was now unleashed in full force, and there was no going back. So when Freddy maneuvered the two boys so that he was once again on top of Zack, the brunette couldn't think of a single reason to protest, all nervousness out of mind as Freddy thrust into him.

Zack's fingers wrapped tightly around Freddy's neck, pulling the blonde down and kissing him with enough force to bruise. Freddy's only response was to thrust even harder, so hard that Zack broke the kiss off and gasped. "Freddy!"

"Zack." Freddy whispered the name like an incantation, hissing it through clenched teeth. "Zack!"

"What is it, Freddy?"

"You…you're…"

"Mmm?" Zack moved his body in rhythm with the blonde boy over him, tightening around Freddy, whose breath caught in his throat. He let it out in a shuddering sigh.

"You're so fucking amazing, Zack."

A breathless laugh. "Pretty damn impressive yourself, Jones." And then, a peculiar feeling came over him. Things were falling into place much better now, now that he had given over worrying and just given in to his feelings…and this feeling was like nothing he had ever felt before, but like everything he had ever dreamt of.

Apparently Freddy felt it too, for his fingers clenched tightly in Zack's hair. "Zack," he began, "Zack, I-"

"Freddy," Zack said suddenly, cutting off whatever Freddy had been about to say. "Freddy…"

And then there was nothing else to say. Both boys came together, both crying out the other's name, and then, it was over. Freddy crawled off of Zack, collapsing on his side half on top of the brunette still, one arm thrown across Zack's sweat-dampened chest. He pressed a kiss to Zack's face, brushing sweaty locks of brown hair out of Zack's beautiful eyes. Zack turned to look at Freddy and smiled. Leaning forward, he pressed a quick kiss to Freddy's mouth. Now that the moment was past, he was slightly nervous again…but was willing to push those thoughts aside as he stared into Freddy's gorgeous eyes.

Freddy smiled back, pushing back nervous thoughts of his own. He had been about to tell Zack that he loved him…and Zack had interrupted. He wasn't sure now, himself, what Zack's true feelings were. Before, it hadn't seemed to matter. The drugs had been controlling him when he started and by the time they had faded, it had been too late to go back, and anyway, Zack had seemed into it. But the fact that he had interrupted Freddy at such a crucial moment…Freddy shook his head slightly, as though to shake the nasty thoughts away.

"What?" Zack asked, amusement in his voice, a slight smile curving up the corners of his mouth. Freddy forced a smile and shook his head again.

"Nothing," he said softly, and kissed Zack again. "Go to sleep."

Zack smiled and snuggled closer to Freddy, laying his head on Freddy's shoulder, nestling into that spot just under Freddy's chin, curling up as close as he could. Freddy's arms tightened about Zack, and, each completely exhausted, it wasn't long before both boys fell into a very troubled sleep.

tbc


	5. nothing worth caring about

**A/N:** So, I'm getting these things out pretty damn fast, neh? Once I got going I just couldn't stop. In fact, I'd be writing the next chapter right now if it wasn't 1:07 a.m and I didn't have work tomorrow. Yes, I'd be writing it right now. Instead, I'm going to listen to my "Wicked" soundtrack and then go to bed. sings along to Wicked (which I positively ADORE! Idina Menzel, I LOVE YOU SO FREAKING MUCH! Ahem. I'm done now.)

**PAIRING:** Still Freddy/Zack, just the slightest bit before all the angst hits the fan. Freddy's parents are introduced and I had fun with them. Usually I envision Freddy's dad with an alcohol problem, but I decided that that doesn't have to mean that he doesn't love Freddy, does it? Freddy's such an adorable little fucker, I just had to give him adoring parents. Yeah. So there's obviously some Jason/Eileen Jones in here, too, but they're more obsessed with how Freddy's doing and not as caught up on each other. And I'm rambling.

**DISCLAIMER:** I own no part of School of Rock, nor do I own any of the characters. I also do not own Wicked or any part of that, since I mentioned it (though that has no part in this fic) and I do not own Idina Menzel, I just wish I did. I would make her sing for me 24 hours a day, because she is a goddess.

**CLAIMER:** I own Mr. and Mrs. Jones…not the movie versions, but the versions I created here, and I own Zack's bad driving skills, and Freddy's wheelchair and robe and the doctor and nurse, and the ambulance guy, who is tres cool.

**DEDICATION:** **Todd** from work, who will not be reading this at all, but who is cool and who has taken a severe chill pill lately and is so much more fun to be with. Todd who says he'll bring in camera footage from the ghost hunting he did tonight so that I can see anything he and his friends saw while they were out. Todd, you rock my socks!

And **Meg**, Meg my girly who says she loves me and got so excited when I emailed her. Meg whose uncle finds us strangely amusing and who I find incredibly amusing. Meg, who I love. MWAH!

**Pltzchen**, who always leaves me the most AWESOME reviews! You are so freaking cool! I love you lots for all your wunderbar reviews, you hoopy frood, you!

Now, ON TO THE FICLET!

Freddy woke the next day, and was momentarily confused. He felt a strange weight on him that wasn't usually there, and a tickling just under his chin. Then, memories of the night before came flooding back and he flushed red with embarrassment.

_God, _he thought. _Definitely fucked Zack last night…fuck, fuck, FUCK! Not good, Jones, not fucking GOOD!_

Speaking of Zack…the brunette was still curled up close to him, head still tucked just under Freddy's chin, arms wrapped tight about Freddy's chest, and the blonde couldn't help but smile briefly at how contented Zack looked. _Well, maybe it's not so bad, then…I mean, he looks happy!_

_ Yeah, _another part of his mind spoke up, _he was also drunk last night! He probably doesn't remember a thing!_

_ Shut up! _Carefully moving Zack's head to the pillow, Freddy slid out from underneath the brunette, who made a contented sort of sound and curled up into a tighter ball about the pillow he was now embracing. Freddy slid gently off the bed and padded on bare feet across the room. It was already 11:30…he had overslept and he was already starting to panic about what Zack would think when he awoke and remembered exactly what had happened the night before. _Heroin…I need some heroin. _He pulled open the drawer he had tossed it in before leaving for the concert and found it still there. _A good thing, too._He usually hid his stash much better than that, but with Zack so suspicious already and them already being late for the gig, he had had no other choice but to hide the stuff as fast as he could…he was lucky his mom hadn't found it. Pulling it out, he plopped down on the floor and set to work. He held up the small package of heroin and his needle, pondering. _Hmm…no needle, not this early in the morning._He cast the needle aside, tossing the package of heroin from hand to hand. _Looks like snorting it is the way to go today! _He quickly set to work, and within seconds he had the stuff poured out and the straw to his nose, inhaling it.

"I KNEW it!"

Freddy shot to his feet, dropping the small mirror to the floor, where it shattered. Zack was sitting up in the big bed, covers in a pile in his lap, eyes wide and accusatory. Freddy felt as though an icy hand was clenched about his heart. He stared nervously at Zack, trying to force a smile and failing miserably.

"Zack," he said, barely managing to get the word out. "Look, I can explain…"

"Explain _what_, Freddy?!" Zack was out of the bed, storming across the room towards Freddy, eyes ablaze. "That you're a fucking druggie?! That you're addicted to heroin?! That you were high last night and fucking _used_ me?!"

Freddy felt horror overwhelming him. "No!" he cried. "No, Zack! I would never do that to you!"

"Oh, bull_shit_!" Zack shouted. "I know you were fucking high last night! I saw the fucking mirror you used for your fucking heroin! I saw it and I knew what you were doing and I refused to let myself believe it! What a fucking _MORON_ I was! What a moron I _AM_!" He turned his back on Freddy, arms folded tightly across his chest, fingers digging into his own flesh out of sheer rage.

"Zack," Freddy whispered, barely able to get the name out. Zack made an undistinguishable noise of rage and began gathering his clothes, dressing fastly and angrily. "Zack, it's not true! I would never use you, Zack!"

"Right, tell me another one," Zack scoffed. He turned and faced Freddy, who felt more vulnerable than ever, and it had nothing to do with his naked state. He stood in front of Zack and cowered under that look of anger and disappointment and disgust- all things he had never expected from Zack- and he knew that he would never feel worthwhile ever again.

"…Zack," he whispered. Zack turned away, moving for the door.

"I've got to go," he said. He paused in the doorway, one hand on the doorknob. "I…I expected better of you, Freddy. I trusted you…I trusted you to care more about me…to care more about _yourself_." And with that, he turned and left, leaving Freddy feeling as though his heart had been cut into tiny pieces.

"There's nothing here worth caring about," he said softly. He walked slowly over to the bed, picking up the boxers he had discarded the night before and pulled them slowly on, unable to shake Zack's angry look of disappointment from his memory. Sliding off the bed, he crawled on his knees over to where he had left the rest of his drugs. Lifting the needle in his shaking hands, he stared at it for only a moment before deciding what to do. Within moments, he had injected more heroin into his veins than he had ever done in one sitting. He allowed himself to collapse backwards, lying on his back on the cold wood floor, arms stretched out to either side like he was being crucified.

_Zack…I've let you down. But you let me down, too. You always told me you would always be here for me…and you lied. You _lied. _Because you aren't here when I need you most.___

Freddy felt the drugs hit him, hit him with all the grace of a runaway train. He felt as though the inside of his head were lined with thick layers of crushed velvet, felt as though his brain were floating in a vat of thick, gooey honey. The overdose hit him quickly and he lay there on the floor, not noticing or caring, content to just float in the nothingness of being that the drugs gave him. _Zack…_ And then he thought nothing else.

Halfway down the street, Zack felt a wave of remorse go over him. _I shouldn't be yelling at him right now! I'm his friend! I should be there to help him through this, to get him some help and get him clean! _Zack did the one thing that Freddy always urged him to do but which he never actually did: pulled a u-turn in a place that didn't really allow a u-turn. The cars behind him honked their horns loudly at him, screeching to quick halts. Zack winced, knowing he had almost caused a horrific pile-up. "Sorry!" he yelled out the window, waving apologetically at the drivers, many of whom flipped him off. He revved the van straight back to Freddy's house and came to a screeching halt, parking on an odd angle and jumping out of the van as fast as he could.

"Freddy!" He stood beneath the open window and waited. There was no answer. "Freddy!" Still no answer, and Zack felt worry begin to gnaw at him. Returning to the van, he moved it closer to the house, nearly crashing into the house as he parked right under Freddy's window. Jumping out, he climbed up on the open car window and boosted himself through Freddy's window. Inside, he stopped dead in horror. "Freddy!"

Freddy lay on his back on the floor, his skin pale as milk, eyes rolled back and bloodshot as he convulsed slightly. His arm had a new puncture mark on it, and the needle lay discarded next to him. Zack felt sheer terror gnawing at him and he dropped to his knees beside his friend. "Freddy, wake up! Freddy!" There was no response from the blonde. Scrambling to his feet, Zack ran for Freddy's phone and dialed 911 as fast as he could.

"He won't wake up!" he managed as soon as someone answered the phone. "My friend just overdosed on heroin and he won't wake up!"

"Address?"

"1612 Sycamore Lane," Zack said, "pale green house with a white fence outside…the fence is broken…it's a Victorian house."

"Okay, we'll be there as soon as we can."

The phone went dead and Zack hung up, hands shaking. "C'mon, Freddy, let's get it together…you can't die on me, here, you just can't!"

The sirens screamed noisily down the street, not arriving soon enough for Zack's taste. He waited on the floor of Freddy's room, clutching Freddy's cold hand in his as he listened to the sirens getting closer and closer. Soon the ambulance was there and he met the men at the door. They strapped Freddy to a stretcher as one man asked Zack all sorts of questions.

"What kind of heroin?" he asked. Zack shook his head.

"I don't know," he answered helplessly.

"How did he do it?"

"He…he snorted some, this morning…and…and I …I left…and…when I came back, I found him…like…like this…and and the needle was there…so I think he injected it…"

"Mmm, looks that way," the man said. The men with the stretcher wheeled Freddy out of the room. Zack felt panic rising.

"I can go with him to the hospital, can't I?" he asked, frightened suddenly that they would keep him away.

"Sure you can," the man said kindly. "Don't worry too much, son, we get things like this all the time, your friend should be fine."

The ride to the hospital was terrible and seemed to go on forever. Zack wasn't allowed to sit in the back with Freddy. Instead, he had to strap himself into the front seat, where he spent a long ride twisted round in his seat to stare anxiously at Freddy.

The wait in the hospital was worse. Zack was forced to sit in a cold waiting room on a hard metal chair, shifting uncomfortably under the stares of people all around him. He was convinced that everyone knew just what had transpired the night before between he and Freddy, and then also that he, Zack Mooneyham, had abandoned a friend in need. That made him not only a flaming homosexual but a terrible friend, and he squirmed under their scrutinizing looks.

"Zack Mooneyham?"

Zack shot to his feet and ran over to the doctor who had just entered the room. "Yes?" he said breathlessly. "Yes, how is he?"

The man smiled. "Your friend is fine…that is, he will be…as long as he stops the drugs. I would recommend keeping him under house arrest until he's completely off the high. We have groups he could join to help him quit, but at his age, he's strong enough to go cold turkey and if he's already taking that much heroin, then taking other drugs to help him get off the heroin doesn't seem like a good plan to me."

Zack shook his head, ready to agree with anything the doctor said, so completely grateful to this man for saving Freddy. "Yes, yes, of course, I'll take care of him," he said.

"You better call someone and make sure they search his whole room and get rid of all the drugs in there before you take him home," the man said.

"Yes, yes, of course," Zack said. "I'll do that now." The doctor turned to go. "Then…" He stopped, nervous.

The man turned and looked at him, small smile on his face. "Yes?"

"…then could I go and see him?" Zack asked nervously. The doctor's smile widened.

"Yes," he said. "Yes, of course. I'm sure he'd like that."

_I'm not so sure,_ Zack thought nervously.

"Actually, I'll bring him out to you," the doctor said. "I'll bring him out in a few minutes, after you've had a chance to call a friend."

"…and he could have it in more than one place, so make sure you check everything," Zack said, trying to keep his voice soft as he gave his instructions. It was raining, that drippy, drizzling gray rain that always made life seem so much more depressing. It matched his current mood.

"Sure, man," Tim said, "I'll do a really thorough check." There was a long pause. "Man…I never even suspected."

_I did,_ Zack thought guiltily. _I was just too stupid to do a thing about it._

"I feel really bad, man…like I didn't pay enough attention. I shoulda noticed that he was in trouble."

"We all should have," Zack said. "Don't worry about it." He heard the doors open behind him. "I gotta go, Tim."

"Kay…see you soon, Zack."

"Bye." Zack hung up the cell phone and pocketed it. Turning, he saw a nurse pushing a wheelchair towards him, and in that wheelchair was Freddy.

Zack felt his heart lurch as he saw Freddy. The blonde boy was still extremely pale, and over his boxers he was now wearing a hospital-issue robe, blue and white vertical stripes. His hair was a mess and he had his arms wrapped tightly about him, as though he were trying to hold on to some sense of warmth and sanity.

The nurse stopped just next to Zack and smiled brightly. "He probably shouldn't walk for a few hours," she said, "and he should stay in bed until he comes down off of this completely."

Freddy looked extremely annoyed at being spoken of as if he weren't there. He pulled his robe tighter about him and crossed his arms angrily.

"Okay," Zack said. At that moment, a silver Volvo flew down the road and came to a screeching halt outside the door. Zack winced; he was _not_ looking forward to seeing Freddy's parents right now.

Freddy's mom practically shot out the door and came running over, throwing her arms around Freddy as she fell to her knees, holding him close and sobbing. "Oh, Freddy, oh _Freddy_! I thought we'd lost you!"

Freddy looked extremely uncomfortable and Zack felt waves of pity. "I'm fine, mom."

Freddy's dad walked over, obviously trying hard not to look upset, but his tie was askew and he was shaking as he stared very seriously at Freddy. "You really had us worried there, son."

"I'm _fine_, dad." There was just the slightest hint of irritation in Freddy's voice as he grew increasingly uncomfortable with all the attention. Freddy's mom turned suddenly and threw herself at Zack, nearly strangling the boy in a death grip.

"Eileen!" Zack managed, surprised at the sudden hug attack. She sobbed into his neck.

"Thank you, Zack…thank you so much for taking care of my baby…"

Zack patted her back awkwardly, not knowing what to say and feeling all the more guilty. _Don't thank me,_ he thought uncomfortably, _it's my fault he's even here._

Eileen Jones finally relinquished her death hold on Zack, sniffling as she pulled away. "I got your shirt all wet," she said, a forced laugh escaping as she dried her eyes.

"S'alright," Zack said. There was a long silent pause as no one knew quite what to say.

"Well," Jason Jones said finally, "we'd better get you home and into bed, eh Freddy?"

"Yeah, whatever," Freddy replied, still not looking anyone in the eye, his arms still wrapped tightly about him. His father moved as though to pick him up, but Zack cut in.

"I got him, Jason," he said.

"You sure, Zack?"

"Yeah, I got him."

Freddy's parents both walked back to the car, Jason Jones putting a consoling arm about his wife's shaking shoulders. Zack looked at Freddy, who refused to meet his gaze.

"I can't believe you fucking told my parents," Freddy said, his voice sounding unusually loud in the silent, wet air.

"I didn't," Zack said. "The hospital called them."

"…whatever."

Zack sighed and walked over, bending over and sliding one hand behind Freddy's back, the other one under Freddy's legs, scooping the blonde boy into his arms with some difficulty. Freddy was really too heavy for him to carry, too much muscle to go with that gangly height, but he managed to do it.

"Put me the fuck down, Mooneyham!"

Zack shook his head. "Not a chance, Freddy." He carried the protesting blonde back to the car and placed him in the back seat. Sliding in on the other side, he fastened Freddy's seatbelt, knowing that the blonde rarely did it himself and would probably not do it now. His only reward for this gesture was a glare and the sight of the back of Freddy's blonde head the rest of the long, silent ride home.

tbc


End file.
